‘Why are there so many Ontario license plates?’

So, yesterday as I waited to get shmooshed and violated on the crowded rush hour streetcar, a group of tourists walked by and made an interesting comment. I assumed that they were American (not that there’s anything wrong with that), mainly from their accents and alpha beta something or other matching hoodies – and from the comment of course, which was,

‘How about dim sum? You know, it’s a Canadian specialty and stuff like that.’

This made me chuckle a bit, because you know, I’m no dim sum connoisseur, but I always thought it was an Asian specialty.

Anyhoo, this made me think of all the funny things I’ve heard from random tourists throughout my life, and I’ve heard many, especially growing up Niagara Falls. Being a border town and all, many of the comments came from our neighbours below, but first to be politically correct and whatnot, I’m not generalizing etc etc, most are great people yadda yadda, and most of my experiences have been pleasant…but I’m just repeating what I’ve heard.

So here are some timbits:

Okay, first off, the most popular vote goes to….

‘What time do they turn off the falls?’

Seriously. After then millionth time we heard this one, we started making up answers.

‘Oh!!! You’re going to miss it!! Hurry up, 10pm SHARP. Go, go, go! You better make it quick, because right after they turn off the falls, they roll up the sidewalks.’

One middle aged woman asked me once,

‘Why there are so many Ontario license plates?’

I said, ‘Because you are in Ontario.’

She said, ‘Well, I thought I was in Niagara Falls.’

I said, ‘You are. Niagara Falls….Ontario.’

She said, ‘Well what’s Ontario?’

I said, ‘It’s the province that you are standing in.’

She said, ‘What’s a province?’

I said, ‘Okay, here’s your history lesson: Think about it this way – New York, New York – Niagara Falls, Ontario. New York – state. Ontario – province.’

She said, ‘Ya so. Why are there so many Ontario license plates???’

You get the picture on this one. I could continue, but really, what’s the point?

It always used to make me laugh when people would drive over the bridge into Canada in the dead of our 35 degree Celsius plus summer with skis on the roofs of their cars. They were always disappointed when they realized that, no, we don’t live in igloos and no, we don’t use snow shoes and dog sleds as our main method of transportation, and that in fact, the weather here is very similar to most of theirs (which obviously they didn’t notice while sitting on the other side of the bridge).

Another big one I got a lot was whether the prices where in American or Canadian. I mean, hello?! Seriously. If you go to Italy, are the prices in Lira (or now the Euro), or some other currency. Jesus. Some people would actually get angry when their change back was in Canadian, cuz you know, we keep all of the currencies just in case.

When I was just recently in Montreal, I met a super nice American man. He asked me where I was born. I told him Niagara Falls. He said, ‘Ohhh so you’re American then!!! Nice!’

I was like, ‘Nooo, Niagara Falls Ontario….Canada.’

He was shocked that there was also a Niagara Falls in Canada, and continued to explain how he didn’t even know that the border separated us at that point. Let me point out that this man worked for AirCanada, and had been a proclaimed army brat growing up, which made it even more ironic that he didn’t know where the American/Canadian border was.

Once I worked in a restaurant right by the falls, and a man asked me what time the sun set. It was summer, and I said, ‘Well, really I’m working when the sun sets, but I imagine it’s around 8pm-ish.’

Then he asked what time zone we were in. I told him Eastern Standard time, and asked, ‘Where are you from?’ He said Buffalo. I was like, ‘DUDE, we can practically see Buffalo from here, are you serious?!’ Yes, in fact, he was.

One summer I worked at Fort George in Niagara-on-the-Lake (yes, I’m a bit of a job whore). This job was pretty amazing. All I had to do was dress up, act like I was in 1812, and play piano for the guests. Rock on. Anyhoo, so this person asks me if the grass grew in 1812. I laughed because, well, you know, come on! But to my surprise he was serious. I told him the grass started to grow the day he was born.

At one point I worked in a call centre and dealt with a Gas & Electric company, which will remain unnamed. Oh boy, did I ever get some doozies there.

Once a man called in because he was pretty sure he had a gas leak. So, he called me, and told me he was standing in front of his furnace, with his lighter (lit of course), looking for the leak.

One time a livid woman called in, pissed off that she had made an appointment for a gas/electric hook up at her trailer. She told me no one showed up, and that she deserves a credit since she wasted her day. I took a look at the comments from the technician and asked her to confirm her lot number. She did, and I told her why they were not able to hook up her essentials.

Wait for it…..

Wait for it……

‘Ma’am, there was no trailer in your lot. The lot was empty.’

‘Well ya,’ she said, ‘I have it in another park.. so what the hell? Where’s my credit and where’s my gas/electric.’

It was really, really, really hard for me not to be super sarcastic on this one.

I asked her how in the world she thought that someone could hook up her gas/electric to an invisible trailer. She didn’t get it. She said that they could still ‘cut it on’ for her. I tried to explain to her that you can’t just ‘cut on’ a gas pipe that’s not connected to anything, because you know, as soon as someone lights a match the entire park would blow up. She still didn’t get it.

So ya, I could go on, and on, and on…. but that would probably take me all day.

Oh, the joys of working in a tourist town, where your sarcasm skills are tested to the max.