Archive for March, 2008

Booty trumps negative

Yes, yes. That’s right. I am profoundly proud of my ass-bumpin’ abilities today. It should be an Olympic sport.

On the lovely and incredibly squished and smelly subway ride home I managed to ass-bump my way into a seat. I’m not generally this mean (that’s a lie, but I really needed to sit, really).

Side Note: I recently had bunion surgery (ewwww gross! yes, I know) and since I’ve had them since the tender age of seven, both feet had to be broken, rearranged and other fun doctor-type things I don’t understand. Therefore I was casted up to my knees (on both legs at the same time) for a while and now I’m finally free. Surprisingly the surgery wasn’t as painful as I had expected, although the week hospital stay caused me more pain than I have ever experienced (that’s a story for another time….I’m still trying to burn the hideous memories from my brain). Anyhoo, so – I’m still hobbling around, and since I don’t have a cane, crutches or any other type of walking device, I have the whole ‘invisible disability’ thing going on. No one in this city would ever believe that I just had surgery, and therefore I must fight for my right to sit.

So now that we have that straightened out, back to my amazing ass-bumpin’ moves. Right. So here I am, sandwiched between a size negative 2 teen and a miserable looking man who has apparently never heard of breath mints (try them! they are do gooders, not evil), we pull up to a station where many people get off and on. I see the woman sitting in front of me get her purse ready, with a look that says “I will dodge through you bastards if it’s the last thing I do.”

Yesssss. Time for me to make my move. I subtly move my way on the other side of Size Negative, while Dodge Woman makes her move. I notice Size Negative eyeing the seat like it’s a steaming fresh pizza pop. A slight pivot and mighty ass-bump later, I have won my seat!! You can’t blame me that Size Negative went flying a little, I mean, she was size negative and booty trumps negative.

Oh the joys of public transit, where you’ll be sure to lose your dignity sooner or later.

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Alrighty. So first off, I guess I’ll get the regular mumbo jumbo out of the way. This is my first blog, yadda yadda….. You’ll probably see a lot of changes at first (whoever ‘you’ are) etc. etc… I’ll mostly write about the random randomness that occurs all too frequently in my life, bla bla bla.

Done and done.

Secondly, special thanks to mamatulip for inspiring me to actually write things down again (wow, is this my acceptance speech or what?). Seriously though, she is super talented and it’s not just because she’s my sister-in-law (really. no, really).

So – who AM I anyways?

Bet you’d like to know (really, I have no idea if that’s true, but tough shit, I’m going to tell you anyways…I mean, you are the one on my blog). So if you can’t tell already, I enjoy mouthfuls of sarcasm and cynicism, and if you aren’t into that, then I would advise you to leave now….seriously. Right.

SO, back to basics.

I am an artist that works at a non-artist job (only for a teeeeny bit longer). Not to say my job is horrible, because it definitely is not, especially with the best boss a person could ask for (no sarcasm there, I mean it for real). I’m pretty sure I’ll bawl when my contract is up.

Really strange, random things happen to me quite often, for reasons unknown. Do I will them to happen? Am I just crazy? That’s for you to judge.

I’m in love with Barbados (that sappy kinda love, like how you love your partner/spouse). I’ve lived there twice and visited too many times to count. My mom has lived there for 10yrs. I will and do talk about it often, to the point of annoyance. My storage closet of an office is plastered with an abundance of white sands, turquoise seas, blue skies and my sunburned face. I can sit and share special moments with those pictures for hours. Sad, I know….but such is life.

So there is a little snippet (snippet, what a bizarre word. Say it 10 times fast, I dare you) about me, and I know you feel so much more fulfilled for having a small peek into the craziness that is my mind. No?

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