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Archive for August, 2008

Public restrooms annoy me for obvious reasons. Some of these include, but are not limited to:

1. The sole fact that I have to share something…. only-childitis, remember?

2. The smell, oh, the smell.

3. That woman who never washes her hands (yes, that was me who said ‘Eww, fucking gross!’ as you left without cleansing yourself).

4. That woman who feels the need to sing, hum, or whistle as she does the deed.

5. That stupid piece of toilet paper that sticks to the bottom of your shoe.

6. The fact that I feel a contamination suit won’t protect me from the grunge on the sink and counter.

7. Did I mention the smell?

8. Those awkward washroom conversations that need not happen.

9. Women that possibly mistake themselves for cats instead of humans and spray all over the damn place.

10. People that feel the need to eat in the washroom. Yes, I’ve seen it. Yes, I threw up in my mouth. Yes, I even shuttered as I wrote that.

Random tidbit: Ever seen that Seinfeld episode where Jerry has a ‘carry-all’ purse? I totally saw that today on the elevator. For real. Buddy gets on all spiffy in his obviously expensive designer suit. And I’m thinking, ‘nice one‘ until I glance at what I first assume to be a briefcase. Oh no, my friends. Briefcase it was not. It was a full on purse. All the way. Fully equipped with shiny bling and a corny pattern. Damn. Don’t get me wrong, to each his own, but really? Really? He could have at least had it match his suit.

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I don’t know what happened to this post – It went up the other day and then disappeared into cyberspace and TA-Dah! it’s back. My mood hasn’t changed much, so therefore, it goes back up again:

Ah, patience… where art thou? I seem to be lacking in that department lately. Ironically, I have an abundance of gold medals in procrastination. I am the champion though, so I suppose it’s expected. Gotta keep up the profile and whatnot.

Right.

One thing I definitely can not wait for is to get out of this office building. No matter how good of a mood I’m in on the way to work, as soon as I enter the front lobby doors, I feel the happiness and life being sucked out of me. By the time I reach my floor (this is quite a wait, considering the elevators have a mind of their own), I am exhausted and ready to go home. I could drink 17 cups of coffee and still feel tired. My drab storage closet and its flickering fluorescent light just ooze with motivation (I’m not exaggerating here….one of the many joys of the non-profit sector). Don’t get me wrong, I actually love my job…. just not the building. The reason I know my office environment may lead to my early institutionalization, is that I worked from home twice last week and actually accomplished more in those 2 days than I have in the past 2 weeks. For serious. Am I giving you the impression that I’m a huge slacker? This is true, sometimes, but in this case, my job is ending so I really don’t have much to do….other than…find another one…and it’s stressing me out big-time.

So here I sit, listening to Larger than Life (the man across the hall) switch back and forth from English to French (badly, I might add). Sometimes he forgets to switch the accent part, which is mildly entertaining. En Francais sounds fine, but his fake French accent while he speaks English makes him sound like a drunk Quebecer. I’m also pretty sure he has no clue what he’s saying. It’s not everyday you hear words like window, toilet, dog and que pasa in the same sentence. Okay, so maybe you do, and yes, I am aware that que pasa is Spanish..but apparently Larger than Life isn’t. Generally, after my morning coffee(s) or sometimes, if I’m really tolerant, I make it until after lunch before I have to slam the door to my storage closet thanks to the wannabe bilingual, must have every phone conversation on speaker because that’s how important I am, if you can’t hear me talking than you will sure as hell hear me gallop down the hall like a racehorse, my jokes aren’t funny but it’s satisfying to hear my assistants fake laugh at them wonderful man across the hall. Seriously. I’m not quite sure how much longer I can hold out. I don’t have time to list all of my issues with Larger than Life (actually, that’s a lie, but you know…I could go on for eons). When I leave my closet I have to bite the insides of my cheeks so I don’t let something inappropriate slip. I’m pretty sure my eyeballs bulge out as I’m doing that. It must be quite the attractive look for me.

So, if any of ya’ll have some extra patience, can I have some? New, used or borrowed…I’ll take it.

Just a little patience.

If you haven’t started humming ‘Patience’ by G&R yet… what the hell is wrong with you?! Get on that.

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