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Archive for September, 2008

So, I started a new job this week, which means a brand spanking new transit route.  Oh, and what a route it is: bus, subway, another subway, and another bus.  It doesn’t take as long as I anticipated though, so that’s definitely some great news. Another plus: I’m now travelling opposite of downtown, which means I pretty much get a seat every time.  Wowzers!  That is something I’ve never experienced.  

I’ve already noticed some common subway/bus travellers, especially since the crowd is much smaller.  My first day I noticed two ghetto fabulous girlies on last bus before stopping at the office.  They are tiny little suckers, but their mouths combined are an explosion of vulgarity at its best. They get off at a stop in front of a credit/collections agency, so I imagine their language comes in handy.

Yesterday they were on the bus again, and for whatever reason, the bus driver decided to take a pause before he left the station.  Well, this was not okay with Team Ghetto Fabulous.  The team was sitting at the front of the bus, and I was close to the back, ipod blasting with sweet tunage as usual.  Team Ghetto Fabulous started to freak out when they realized that the bus wasn’t moving.  They were so loud that I could hear almost every word without adjusting the volume of my ipod.  Mostly what I caught was,

‘I dun gave a fuck bout y’all rulez and schedulez. Shit. Jus drive de damn bus, yo.’

Many more entertaining vulgar remarks followed.  Damn, Team Ghetto Fabulous is not one to mess with.

Mental note taken. 

So new job, new embarassing stories. Go me, go.  So far things have been good, other than yesterday  I accidently opened a door that hit blind man, because I didn’t see him coming.  

Ironic? Yes.  

Surprising? For me, no.  

These types of random experiences are as normal to me as breathing.  I suppose everyone else will just have to get used to it.  

Onward I stumble……

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So, to continue with things that stink:

It felt like a bit of a rat race on the way home from work yesterday. That could have been because I was totally exhausted and everyone seemed to scurry just a bit too quickly for me. Still, I scored a seat, which was quite exciting for me.

Yes, I said exciting. Little scores like that can make or break my day, for real. Especially when I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyelids open.

So anyhoo, as I bounced my head to some sweet tunage, I noticed the large man sitting in front of me (mainly because his arm touched my computer case at one point, which secretly annoyed me). But really, the main thing that made me notice this man, was the smell, oh, the smell. Seriously. I was confused at first, since he looked like every other random office worker you see on transit.

But nope, this one was special. Oh yes, indeedy.

The smell was a mix of sweat, dirt, sweat, crap, sweat, rotten eggs, and sweat. It literally burned my nose. Since I am aware that scoring a seat during rush hour is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I was so tired I could barely hold myself up, I stayed put. I even considered dabbing a bit of my perfume under my nose to mask the stink.

I thought, ‘Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe my nose will get used to it.’

Side Tidbit: My mum was about to buy a townhouse in Barbados that consequently had neighbours of the chicken/pig/rooster farm variety. She took me there to smell the area. Literally. At first I thought it was quite entertaining, until I actually opened the door of the car. It was SO bad that I couldn’t even get out. All I could blurt out was, ‘No, no, no no no no….no.’ This was a smell your nose will never adjust to. Never ever ever.

So, imagine a lovely stench like that in a confined space. Yummers. I knew I wasn’t overreacting when I noticed a woman who sat beside him that instantaneously got up to move. I thought about doing the same, but still really wanted to try and stick it out, praying to the karma gods that maybe, just maybe, Mr. Stinky will get off at the next stop. Nope. Instead, Mr. Stinky scratched his jewels over, and over, and over. Then he rubbed his eyes with the same hand, which grossed me out completely. I mean, come on. That’s wrong on so many levels.

And then… here’s the topper… are you ready?

Wait for it….

Waaaiiittt for it…..

He let one rip. Seriously. Not a silent one either. My ipod was blasting in my ears and I could still hear it.

PFFFTTTTTTTTTTtt….tttttt…ttt.

Damn. I’m pretty sure my hair fluttered from the amount of air that blasted my way.

What happened next is a little blurry, considering I was surrounded by toxic air, which made me a little lightheaded. I practically stumbled out of my seat and lunged to the opposite side of the train, and muttered some lovely words that I’ll leave to your imagination.

I’m aware that sometimes you can’t help your bodily functions and whatnot, but this was too much. Too much indeed. Needless to say, Mr. Stinky had the entire middle section of the train to himself. Maybe he’s on to something….

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