As I’ve mentioned many times, I am not the kind of person you want to deal with in the morning. No way, no how. Especially pre-coffee. Even more especially on Monday’s. And most especially in -10C temperatures. Bad combo.
Today’s commute was rather uneventful for the most part… other than a larger lady who mistook my leg for an open seat. Joy. I hopped off my last bus and shuffled along to continue my usual routine at Starbucks. I passed a bus stop where a rather disheveled, creepy, older man was waiting. He watched me cross the street and as I passed him, he felt the need to say,
‘Well, good morning, sweet cheeks.’
Ew.
Sweet cheeks?
His voice was just as creepy as he looked. Gross.
I responded with a facial expression that resembled someone who had just been extremely violated. Why can’t this sort of thing happen in the p.m. so I can at least respond like a normal human being? I’m not quick with the sarcastic remarks in the morning – actually, I’m not quick in any way, shape or form before noonish.
As I made my way to get java I prayed that the extremely annoying, happy, Chatty Cathy was not working. Wrong again. This girl’s voice makes my skin crawl. I’m convinced that she either has nine shots of espresso before she starts work, or she’s on some kind of drugs. For serious. It can’t be natural, can it?
Speaking of those who are not morning people, last night I caught a pretty cool documentary of this filmmaker who suffers from insomnia (ironically, I was hungover exhausted and fell asleep). But the part that I caught was super interesting, as I have had issues falling asleep as long as I can remember. It was comforting to know that I’m not the only one that lies there for hours on end, mind racing. Like me, he had tried everything under the sun, and nothing has worked so far. I wish I caught the end so that I could see if he found a solution. That will teach me to fall asleep during ‘Wide Awake.’
Damn.
It’s just one of those days…. but I’m okay with it, as I’m counting down to my island time (28 days!) whooooo!
ugh I know the feeling….it takes me til after lunch til I can come up with any sarcastic retorts…………ugh if only we could skip mornings altogether!
I always think of the best one-liners like, three days AFTER I’ve been offended.
what does “sweet cheeks” even mean? which cheeks are being referenced?
I’m going to keep telling myself it means the cheeks on my face. Otherwise, I may feel the need to vomit…
One of the advantages of being a guy is that we don’t have to deal with remarks like that. I can’t recall a single case of some creepy woman indicating an attraction to me like that. Then again, women ususally indicate attraction in much more subtle ways.