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Posts Tagged ‘commute’

Seeing as it’s my last day in the circus, these are just some of the sound bites I’ve overheard today.  For serious.  Real quotes:

 

“Turn around, spread wide.  Here’s your Christmas present.”

 

“Ahh, shit I’m bored.  I really bored if I’m talking about going home on a dogsled with huskies.”

 

“Whoo hoo.  My criminal background check actually came back positive!”

 

“Anybody got a bottle of wine we can crack open?”

 

A: “You guys want to see something warm and fuzzy?”

B:  “Put your pickle away.” 

 

“I just turned up the heat on that chicken.  You’re in there now.”

 

“It’s smooth and silky and wrinkly.  It’s a very heavy kind of underwear.”

 

“Fuuuuuck!”  Numerous times, followed by much banging of random things on desks.

 

“Shiiiiiit!”  Same as above.

 

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

 

“Incompetent boobs.”

 

A:Do not be on the internet if he’s around.”

B: “What are they going to do, fire her?”

 

“I think the grinch really did steal Christmas.  We’re the only one’s left in this morgue.”

 

“Kiss my grits.”

 

“Can I come with you to Barbados?  I’ll wash the floors with my tongue.  Anything is  better than this.”

 

“I need to wet my whistle. It’s not working properly.”

 

A: “Isn’t that a fire harzard?” Referring to the massive stacks of desks and chairs that line the halls in the dungeon.

B: “It doesn’t matter.  We’re on a gas line and will blow up anyways.”

 

“I’m supposed to have numbnuts in that day.”

 

“Suck my manachos!”

 

“No offense dude, but you’re just fucking lazy.”

 

“Did you know that cows can walk up stairs but not down them?  Can you imagine the farmer that figured that one out?  ‘Oh, shit, my wife is home! Go, go, go!’ Mooo. Ha. Ha. Ha.” 

 

“The men in this place are sooooo stupid.”

 

“Your pickle’s looking a little dusty.  You should take it home and polish it.”  Okay, I lied.  That’s from last week, but it’s so good I had to include it.

 

Today there is a massive snow storm outside.  It’s snowing so much you can barely see your hand in front of  your face. Most of the city has been sent home early, but not us, of course. I’ve just heard that they have literally closed the entire building that I’m in, and sent the employees home.  But… here we are, surfing the net amongst occasional yelling and screaming.    

Whooo!

At least it will be my last trek home from this place.  

Ironically, this morning my alarm didn’t go off and it was the first time I was ever late for this job – on my last day. The subway was delayed due to fires and transit signals that were not working with the weather conditions.  Go figure. I’m going to take a wild guestimate and assume it will take me in the area of 3 hours to get home.

On another positive note, apparently I’m not as invisible as I thought.  Today I received a goodbye lunch and gift, complete with cake and all.  Surprisingly, I have no negative comments about it.  It was actually quite nice and tasty. I also scored a bottle of booze yesterday.  Who knew? I’m pretty sure it was re-gifted, but no complaints here.  I’ll take a free bottle no matter how it comes.

And that concludes my work in the circus!!  It hasn’t hit me yet, and most likely won’t until Monday.  

Seventeen days until eternal sunshine.  Yessssss.

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I didn’t get a chance to post this before I left work, and good thing, since I had such a lovely experience on the way home… in that case, I’ll write about that first, and make this an ass-backwards post.

I’m having a bad day today, in general, hence the title.  So, if you don’t feel like hearing me complain, well, this is not the post for you. This is more about me venting, so as I don’t become institutionalized and whatnot.

Ugh.  I am so not made for this city.  I’m not rough or tough enough to take it. Many people love it here, and more power to them, but me, not so much anymore. Remember that song (from Sesame Street or the Muppets… something with puppets anyways),

‘One of these things just doesn’t belong?’

That one thing is me.

Some days I can deal, others, ugh. Today is that kind of day. I am happily awaiting my departure (and counting down the days with a vengeance), but it always seems that when you know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, time moves in slow ass motion.

Why can’t people just be nice and normal? Why? 

If I am walking through a doorway, I hold it for the next person, because, hey, I’m decent that way. If someone drops something, I stop and pick it up.  If I bump someone, I apologize.  If I see someone in dying need of a seat, I give mine up.  You know, normal, human nature type things. I’m a big karma believer, so no matter what, I’m still going to be decent, dammit. It’s obviously naive to expect the same treatment in return.  Sometimes though, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, something to the effect of,

‘What is fucking WRONG with you people?!’

On the way home I held the door for the next person, only to get trampled by them. I picked up something an older woman dropped, only to get sworn at by a passerby for stopping in his way.  I waited patiently like everyone else for the bus, only to get elbowed and jabbed by those behind me (and since I believe in a little thing called, a line, I didn’t resort to jabbing and elbowing those ahead of me).  

I didn’t make it on that bus, since by the time those behind me pushed me around, it was packed to the max and I had to wait, defeated, for the next one. Luckily, the next one had more space, which meant a possible seat.  I made my way to a seat, only to be pushed out of the way by some overly stocky little lady with mix matched gloves. I mean, damn, if she needed the seat that badly I would have given it to her.

I don’t have it in me anymore to comment to these people.  There’s no point really. Nothing will change. I’ll stay the same, and so will they. It’s pretty sad that when someone holds the door open for me, or something of the sort, I generally gasp in amazement. It’s a rarity, but it does happen occasionally.  

Why is everyone in a rush to go nowhere fast?  

What is so important that you must trample people to get to your destination?  

What ever happened to enjoying life, or, to be cliche, ‘stop and smell the roses.’  

Don’t get me wrong, I would like to get home pronto, just like the rest of them, and I don’t stroll around with my head in the clouds like some kind of defect.  I just ask for common courtesy is all.  I realize that’s a lot to ask in such a big city. And, I realize not everyone is nasty – but I have no idea where those people are hiding. Come out, come out, where ever you are!  Please? For a day, even. Just one day. 

***********************

Earlier…  

Two posts in one day seems to be a common thing for me these days.  Mostly, because I am so bored I honestly believe I’m loosing what’s left of my mind.  When there’s no work for me, which is more often than not, I sit here, ‘looking busy.’ Writing posts on this thing contributes to that, so I suppose that explains why there have been so many lately.  If my computer screen didn’t face everyone, I’m sure I could find more entertaining things to do online, but it just so happens that’s the way this circus is set up.

Let’s reflect on what I’ve done today, to keep up my ‘looking busy’ status:

1. I often use my stapler.  Generally, there is nothing to staple, but the sound of it makes it seem like I’m doing something, when mostly, I’m not.  I randomly staple invisible documents.  It’s fun, you should try it.

2. I have a wide arrangement of open documents on my computer so that it looks like I have a lot going on. I occasionally open and close them, and sometimes, move them from one folder to another. 

3. Every once and a while it is effective to walk in the back, and give the impression that I’m looking for something.

4. Many washroom breaks.

5. E-books.

6. Staring at the clock and trying to will time to go by faster, with my super-strength mind power.  Lately, this power has been letting me down, big-time.

7. You’d be amazed at the wide variety of icons available for macs.

8. Sometimes I literally just stare at my screen, for minutes on end.  It’s too bad there is no window for me to glare out of, but alas, I am in a dungeon basement. How cool is that I upgraded from a storage closet at my last job, to a dark, chilly basement? Score.

Okay, I’m too annoyed to come up with more tricks.  I really do wonder when they might realize this situation.  I mean, it’s not rocket science, people.  Do the math. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  What’s up with this girl? I mean, she just sits around and does nothing.  She should be happy.  She should be grateful she has a job.  She should blah blah blah.  

Ya, well.  Blah, blah, blah back at you.  It just so happens that I actually want to work (wow, what a concept, I know), and due to contrary belief, I do have a lot to offer.  More, in fact, than this circus even knows about – but I have generally kept to myself about these things, because, well, I am leaving and I don’t see the point, really.  And even if they did know, I have little faith that it would benefit me in any way, shape or form.

Also, there are so many things about this place that scream dysfunctional (as with every job I’m sure – but right now, it’s my turn. Again, the title).  Anyhoo, I won’t actually state these things, as I still actually work here, and feel it’s inappropriate to completely bash the place (like I haven’t already) with gory details.  Although, this may change once I’m out of here.  Oh, and what a glorious day that will be.  It’s so soon I can taste it, and it tastes so sweet.  

*Note* As I wrote this, my coworker held her make-shift finger gun to her head and pulled the trigger. Thank god for allies with similar dispositions… what would we do without them?  This also confirms that it’s not just me that feels this way, and that makes me feel a little more sane, sort of.

And in my defense – I am happy to have a job and I actually don’t mind what I do (when I actually have something to do).  Just not at this particular place, and since it’s Monday, I am reminded that I have 4 more days of trying to look busy, before I can enjoy the weekend.  

I mean, if I got paid well to do nothing, then okay.  If I got paid shit but had a chance to advance or pursue opportunities, then okay.  If it was any of these things or not, but not a million hour commute, okay. There are so many more ‘ifs’ but again, I feel as though karma will bite my ass if I give too many details.

And yes, there are many worse things in life, in general, in the world etc etc.  But, you know, right now, at this very moment in time, this is what annoys me.  And this blog, this is my outlet, and thank god for that, because if I couldn’t write this stuff down, I would literally explode, and some poor sucker would have to clean it up.   

Alrighty, and this closes my bitch session for the day.  I promise to be in a better mood tomorrow, and think many happy thoughts.  In the meantime, I will sit for another 10 minutes and look busy until it’s time for me to jet. 

Bah. Hum. Bug.

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As I’ve mentioned many times, I am not the kind of person you want to deal with in the morning.  No way, no how. Especially pre-coffee.  Even more especially on Monday’s. And most especially in -10C temperatures. Bad combo.

Today’s commute was rather uneventful for the most part… other than a larger lady who mistook my leg for an open seat.  Joy.  I hopped off my last bus and shuffled along to continue my usual routine at Starbucks.  I passed a bus stop where a rather disheveled, creepy, older man was waiting.  He watched me cross the street and as I passed him, he felt the need to say,

‘Well, good morning, sweet cheeks.’

Ew. 

Sweet cheeks?

His voice was just as creepy as he looked. Gross.

I responded with a facial expression that resembled someone who had just been extremely violated.  Why can’t this sort of thing happen in the p.m. so I can at least respond like a normal human being?  I’m not quick with the sarcastic remarks in the morning – actually, I’m not quick in any way, shape or form before noonish.

As I made my way to get java I prayed that the extremely annoying, happy, Chatty Cathy was not working.  Wrong again.  This girl’s voice makes my skin crawl.  I’m convinced that she either has nine shots of espresso before she starts work, or she’s on some kind of drugs.  For serious.  It can’t be natural, can it?

Speaking of those who are not morning people, last night I caught a pretty cool documentary of this filmmaker who suffers from insomnia (ironically, I was hungover exhausted and fell asleep).  But the part that I caught was super interesting, as I have had issues falling asleep as long as I can remember.  It was comforting to know that I’m not the only one that lies there for hours on end, mind racing.  Like me, he had tried everything under the sun, and nothing has worked so far.  I wish I caught the end so that I could see if he found a solution.  That will teach me to fall asleep during ‘Wide Awake.’  

Damn.  

It’s just one of those days…. but I’m okay with it, as I’m counting down to my island time (28 days!) whooooo!

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I’m quite irritable today.  What else is new, right?  

Today there is a better reason that just my general predisposition.  

I was out late at a fundraising event and am fully feeling the effects today. Full blown, all the way.  I’m so out of it (code for: hung the f over) that as I sat on the bus on the way to work I wondered whether or not I put socks on, and also, I wondered what exactly I was wearing.  I’m not one to go anywhere after work on a weekday, because, well, because of exactly this.  

Work is pretty much unbearable.  The only thing that is getting me through these last couple of hours is my rendition of T.G.I.F, which is I.F.F.F. (It’s finally fucking friday).  

Finally.  

It’s interesting when I’m in this kind of mood.  Either I’m more relaxed than usual and nothing can phase me or I’m super irritable and every tiny thing drives me completely insane. I’m half and half today.  

On transit, nothing phased me.  I got shoulder checked, and had my foot stomped on, and I was pretty much okay with it.  

At work, it’s a different story.  It’s entirely more painful than usual. I literally want to lob my stapler at choice people (when I’m not randomly stapling invisible documents to sound busy).  The volume decibel of everything is intolerable.  It’s next to impossible to keep my eyes open.  It’s even more impossible to not prematurely announce my secret plans* in my loudest outside voice.  

*Secret plan to be announced on here soon… very exciting, I promise.  

I fear the commute home.  

With a passion.  

I pray that I don’t clock a fellow commuter in the head if they look at me the wrong way.  Maybe it’s best if I pretend to read, sleep, or do a crossword so that I don’t become the latest story in the free transit paper. 

We’ll see how that goes.

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So if you have read any of my other posts, you have probably come to realize that I continually manage to randomly embarrass myself.  Yep.  It just wouldn’t be a normal day in the life, if I didn’t.  I’ve come to terms with it, and can generally laugh it off, because really, what else can you do?

Right.

So, you know, I’m a single girl with one hell of a transit commute. Among the various mind games I play to keep busy, I also try and pass the time by having harmless little crushes on random transit riders. At least it puts my vivid imagination to use. One of them rides both subways with me.  

So yesterday on the start of my trek home, I hopped off the bus and headed into the first subway station. As I began to descend down the second massive stairway, I saw one of my targets at the bottom, waiting on the platform.  He looked up and saw me coming, so I thought,

‘I’m gunna blow his mind and walk amazingly down these stairs, all business casual model stylez.’  

So there I was, concentrating hard on strutting my stuff, but I momentarily forgot that I was chewing gum.

Ever been chewing gum and then choked on your own saliva? Yep.  Not a pretty sight. It’s that kind of cough that you just can’t control. It has a mind of its own. You know, that kind of cough where people look at you with compassion and think,

‘Damn, that’s nasty.’

The cough got worse each step I took.  I had to hold onto the railing to support myself.   Needless to say, by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs, I was red-faced and coughing up a lung.  Attractiveness at its best.  Thankfully, the train came soon after.  I bolted on and immediately opened my book and pretended to read, with the hopes that anyone that just saw that lovely display was long gone.  Just when I thought the coast was clear, I glanced up and saw my target sitting across from me, smiling.  Damn. I still had a bit of a scratch in my throat and had the whole,

‘Ahem….hmm….A-HEM….mmmm’ thing going on.  I guess you can’t win them all.  

In the name of old school cliche sayings…. Smooth move, X-Lax.    

 

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