Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘commuter’

Seeing as it’s my last day in the circus, these are just some of the sound bites I’ve overheard today.  For serious.  Real quotes:

 

“Turn around, spread wide.  Here’s your Christmas present.”

 

“Ahh, shit I’m bored.  I really bored if I’m talking about going home on a dogsled with huskies.”

 

“Whoo hoo.  My criminal background check actually came back positive!”

 

“Anybody got a bottle of wine we can crack open?”

 

A: “You guys want to see something warm and fuzzy?”

B:  “Put your pickle away.” 

 

“I just turned up the heat on that chicken.  You’re in there now.”

 

“It’s smooth and silky and wrinkly.  It’s a very heavy kind of underwear.”

 

“Fuuuuuck!”  Numerous times, followed by much banging of random things on desks.

 

“Shiiiiiit!”  Same as above.

 

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

 

“Incompetent boobs.”

 

A:Do not be on the internet if he’s around.”

B: “What are they going to do, fire her?”

 

“I think the grinch really did steal Christmas.  We’re the only one’s left in this morgue.”

 

“Kiss my grits.”

 

“Can I come with you to Barbados?  I’ll wash the floors with my tongue.  Anything is  better than this.”

 

“I need to wet my whistle. It’s not working properly.”

 

A: “Isn’t that a fire harzard?” Referring to the massive stacks of desks and chairs that line the halls in the dungeon.

B: “It doesn’t matter.  We’re on a gas line and will blow up anyways.”

 

“I’m supposed to have numbnuts in that day.”

 

“Suck my manachos!”

 

“No offense dude, but you’re just fucking lazy.”

 

“Did you know that cows can walk up stairs but not down them?  Can you imagine the farmer that figured that one out?  ‘Oh, shit, my wife is home! Go, go, go!’ Mooo. Ha. Ha. Ha.” 

 

“The men in this place are sooooo stupid.”

 

“Your pickle’s looking a little dusty.  You should take it home and polish it.”  Okay, I lied.  That’s from last week, but it’s so good I had to include it.

 

Today there is a massive snow storm outside.  It’s snowing so much you can barely see your hand in front of  your face. Most of the city has been sent home early, but not us, of course. I’ve just heard that they have literally closed the entire building that I’m in, and sent the employees home.  But… here we are, surfing the net amongst occasional yelling and screaming.    

Whooo!

At least it will be my last trek home from this place.  

Ironically, this morning my alarm didn’t go off and it was the first time I was ever late for this job – on my last day. The subway was delayed due to fires and transit signals that were not working with the weather conditions.  Go figure. I’m going to take a wild guestimate and assume it will take me in the area of 3 hours to get home.

On another positive note, apparently I’m not as invisible as I thought.  Today I received a goodbye lunch and gift, complete with cake and all.  Surprisingly, I have no negative comments about it.  It was actually quite nice and tasty. I also scored a bottle of booze yesterday.  Who knew? I’m pretty sure it was re-gifted, but no complaints here.  I’ll take a free bottle no matter how it comes.

And that concludes my work in the circus!!  It hasn’t hit me yet, and most likely won’t until Monday.  

Seventeen days until eternal sunshine.  Yessssss.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

And so the countdown continues…  today is the last Tuesday of my transit commute and working at the circus.  Weeeeeee! To celebrate, let’s reflect on yet another random transit story.

Yesterday’s weather was pretty wishy-washy.  It started off as quite a warm day for December, although very windy and rainy.  Some where in between 9 and 5, the temperature literally dropped 10 degrees.  The wind never let up, so therefore, the commute home was, for lack of a better phrase, goddamn fucking freezing.

Since the day started off warm, all I had with me was a broken umbrella, and an ‘I’m in denial that it’s actually winter‘ coat.  The station that I wait for my last bus home is sort of covered, and sort of not.  It just so happens that the area where my bus stops gets a massive wind tunnel.  This resulted in about 100 people huddled together, trying to find the best direction to stand in order to block the freezing wind. I was at the front of the huddle, since I had missed the previous bus by a split second.  The wind was so crazy that my long hair actually stood up straight, as if I was being electrocuted. When it wasn’t standing up straight, it was flying into the faces and/or mouths of the people huddled around me. Lovely.

One dude beside me was a regular, as I’ve seen him many times on the way home. He had on a big, puffy warm coat.  I tried to use my super-strength mind power to get him to come and give me a big hug to keep me warm, but to no avail. I counted about 20 buses that entered the station that weren’t mine. Each time a bus would enter the station, the crowd would gasp with anticipation, and then let out a loud fuck/shit/crap/jesus/dammit sigh and hope that the next one would be ours.  Finally, the 32 entered the station and pulled up to the massive crowd.  

It’s interesting that every time I gain some faith in my fellow commuters, they always manage to let me down, big time.  The bus pulled up to us and suddenly everyone from behind started pushing. The bus driver caught on and refused to open the door.  

So picture this…  

I’m at the front of the crowd.  Therefore, I’m being pushed into a door that the driver won’t open. Finally, he gives in, and the herd pushes on. I practically flew onto the bus, and since the bastards kept on pushing, my purse got lodged in between a few of them.  It stopped me in my tracks, so I turned around and started yanking.  I snarled, but it wasn’t effective.  Then I resorted to,

‘Gimme my purse!’

The pack of dogs eventually let up. At the same time I yanked with all of my mighty muscle power, and I fell backwards onto the bus driver.  

‘Fucking savages,’ was the only thing I managed to blurt out.

I mean, what on earth do they think will be accomplished by acting like a bunch of wild animals?  Ya, it’s cold.  We’re all cold.  If these people would have acted in an orderly fashion, we would have piled onto the bus faster.  But, you know, this is too much to expect from big city slickers.   

Four.

More.

Days.

Read Full Post »