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Posts Tagged ‘humour’

677_corn_character

Oh, public transit, how I missed you so.

Well, not really… but, you know.

Some things I’ve experienced lately on the brilliant red rocket:

a) Now, I know I’ve expressed this multiple times, but really, I just can’t get over it.  Eating on public transit gives me the heebee geebees.  Not the granola bar kind of eating… more like… corn on the cob kind of eating.

Yes…

Corn.

On.

The.

Cob.

Really? Wow. Thank you, random woman, for an amusing, yet repulsing subway ride.  She mashed up that corn like it was nobody’s business.  I’m talking, big, juicy chomps from left to right.  Corn pieces in her teeth and all. Buttery salt dripping down her face and onto her pants.  Buttery hands slathering the germ infested pole.  Buttery fingers in her mouth.  Finger licking good.

b) Last night I witnessed a man take off his shoes, place his feet up on the seat and attempt the daily crossword. After getting over my initial disgust, I wondered why someone would voluntarily show off their dirty white socks.  Come on now.  At least wear brown or black. The nerve of some people.

c) Sometimes I feel that people are on transit so much that they forget they aren’t actually in their washroom.  This goes for nail clippers, make-up appliers, eyebrow pluckers, and…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Flossers.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Please, please fling your plaque at me. It would go great with my outfit.

Luckily I don’t venture into the wild without my trusty book, which in turn acts as a fabulous shield to this type of nonsense.

d) Now, this one is not technically public transit… but it involves a car, which is a method of transit, so I’ll let it slide.  At the gas station, as I was inside paying for gas, my friend was approached by two random bums who smelled like ass roses.  They asked her for money, to which she replied…

Friend: Ugh… I don’t really have any.

Roses: Do you have debit?

Wow.  Beggars are really moving on with the times, huh? Debit?!

Since they didn’t want to seem to leave the surrounding area of the car, she ended up giving about two dollars worth of change.

Roses: Don’t you have any more?  You got a five?

Wow.

Enough said.

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south-park-canada-on-strike

It’s like another South Park episode waiting to happen.

I’m not a big fan of strikes.  It happens constantly in this city.  This time it’s city workers.  Yup folks, that means garbage pick up too.  It’s only day two and there are already piles of garbage forming.

One of the issues is that the strikers are also picketing the drop off sights… so… where the hell are people supposed to put their waste? By-law workers are actually cutting open garbage bags to get names and addresses of people that have illegally dumped their trash. Many of the public garbage cans have been taped over… with the hopes that people will carry their garbage with them.  Where to, you ask?  Uhm, I’m not sure about this one, but maybe there is a magic garbage fairy that I’ve yet to meet.

Why the strike?  Something about 18 sick days… and that’s when I stop listening and get angry.  First off, be happy you even have a job in this shit recession.  Secondly, the past 5 jobs I’ve had didn’t even offer sick days.  You’re sick, sucks for you – no pay. So the fact that people out there still get sick days makes me jealous. And last but not least, you work for the city and probably get paid a killing… again… jealous.

So to top all of this off, the LCBO feels like they also need to go on strike.  I guess they’re competitive. For those of you that aren’t Canadian… LCBO – Liquor Store.  We are not so lucky to have alcohol sold at gas stations, supermarkets or convenience stores.  Although we do have beers stores and private wine stores… but not close to me.

This strike is supposed to happen Wednesday.  I figure there’s going to be a lot of pissed off alcoholics roaming around the city.

Their strike reason – hiring more casual /partime workers than fulltime workers.  Uhm hello, welcome to the rest of the world.  Every other private business has been doing that for eons.  It’s about time you caught on. Jesus.

Morons breeding morons… that must be it… or… rocket science? Brain surgery?

I don’t know.  What I do know, is that I’ve been back in this city for a month and a half and I’m already back to my cynical, sarcastic, annoyed self.  I could ramble on and on about why… but I feel this post is satisfactory for now.

Got to save some of the juicy stuff, you know?

Well, time for me to take a nice stroll on a hot day, past mounds of stinky garbage so I can stock up on my booze.

Fun times.

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