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Public restrooms annoy me for obvious reasons. Some of these include, but are not limited to:

1. The sole fact that I have to share something…. only-childitis, remember?

2. The smell, oh, the smell.

3. That woman who never washes her hands (yes, that was me who said ‘Eww, fucking gross!’ as you left without cleansing yourself).

4. That woman who feels the need to sing, hum, or whistle as she does the deed.

5. That stupid piece of toilet paper that sticks to the bottom of your shoe.

6. The fact that I feel a contamination suit won’t protect me from the grunge on the sink and counter.

7. Did I mention the smell?

8. Those awkward washroom conversations that need not happen.

9. Women that possibly mistake themselves for cats instead of humans and spray all over the damn place.

10. People that feel the need to eat in the washroom. Yes, I’ve seen it. Yes, I threw up in my mouth. Yes, I even shuttered as I wrote that.

Random tidbit: Ever seen that Seinfeld episode where Jerry has a ‘carry-all’ purse? I totally saw that today on the elevator. For real. Buddy gets on all spiffy in his obviously expensive designer suit. And I’m thinking, ‘nice one‘ until I glance at what I first assume to be a briefcase. Oh no, my friends. Briefcase it was not. It was a full on purse. All the way. Fully equipped with shiny bling and a corny pattern. Damn. Don’t get me wrong, to each his own, but really? Really? He could have at least had it match his suit.

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