Posts Tagged ‘transit’

Seeing as it’s my last day in the circus, these are just some of the sound bites I’ve overheard today.  For serious.  Real quotes:


“Turn around, spread wide.  Here’s your Christmas present.”


“Ahh, shit I’m bored.  I really bored if I’m talking about going home on a dogsled with huskies.”


“Whoo hoo.  My criminal background check actually came back positive!”


“Anybody got a bottle of wine we can crack open?”


A: “You guys want to see something warm and fuzzy?”

B:  “Put your pickle away.” 


“I just turned up the heat on that chicken.  You’re in there now.”


“It’s smooth and silky and wrinkly.  It’s a very heavy kind of underwear.”


“Fuuuuuck!”  Numerous times, followed by much banging of random things on desks.


“Shiiiiiit!”  Same as above.


“Don’t know. Don’t care.”


“Incompetent boobs.”


A:Do not be on the internet if he’s around.”

B: “What are they going to do, fire her?”


“I think the grinch really did steal Christmas.  We’re the only one’s left in this morgue.”


“Kiss my grits.”


“Can I come with you to Barbados?  I’ll wash the floors with my tongue.  Anything is  better than this.”


“I need to wet my whistle. It’s not working properly.”


A: “Isn’t that a fire harzard?” Referring to the massive stacks of desks and chairs that line the halls in the dungeon.

B: “It doesn’t matter.  We’re on a gas line and will blow up anyways.”


“I’m supposed to have numbnuts in that day.”


“Suck my manachos!”


“No offense dude, but you’re just fucking lazy.”


“Did you know that cows can walk up stairs but not down them?  Can you imagine the farmer that figured that one out?  ‘Oh, shit, my wife is home! Go, go, go!’ Mooo. Ha. Ha. Ha.” 


“The men in this place are sooooo stupid.”


“Your pickle’s looking a little dusty.  You should take it home and polish it.”  Okay, I lied.  That’s from last week, but it’s so good I had to include it.


Today there is a massive snow storm outside.  It’s snowing so much you can barely see your hand in front of  your face. Most of the city has been sent home early, but not us, of course. I’ve just heard that they have literally closed the entire building that I’m in, and sent the employees home.  But… here we are, surfing the net amongst occasional yelling and screaming.    


At least it will be my last trek home from this place.  

Ironically, this morning my alarm didn’t go off and it was the first time I was ever late for this job – on my last day. The subway was delayed due to fires and transit signals that were not working with the weather conditions.  Go figure. I’m going to take a wild guestimate and assume it will take me in the area of 3 hours to get home.

On another positive note, apparently I’m not as invisible as I thought.  Today I received a goodbye lunch and gift, complete with cake and all.  Surprisingly, I have no negative comments about it.  It was actually quite nice and tasty. I also scored a bottle of booze yesterday.  Who knew? I’m pretty sure it was re-gifted, but no complaints here.  I’ll take a free bottle no matter how it comes.

And that concludes my work in the circus!!  It hasn’t hit me yet, and most likely won’t until Monday.  

Seventeen days until eternal sunshine.  Yessssss.

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And so the countdown continues…  today is the last Tuesday of my transit commute and working at the circus.  Weeeeeee! To celebrate, let’s reflect on yet another random transit story.

Yesterday’s weather was pretty wishy-washy.  It started off as quite a warm day for December, although very windy and rainy.  Some where in between 9 and 5, the temperature literally dropped 10 degrees.  The wind never let up, so therefore, the commute home was, for lack of a better phrase, goddamn fucking freezing.

Since the day started off warm, all I had with me was a broken umbrella, and an ‘I’m in denial that it’s actually winter‘ coat.  The station that I wait for my last bus home is sort of covered, and sort of not.  It just so happens that the area where my bus stops gets a massive wind tunnel.  This resulted in about 100 people huddled together, trying to find the best direction to stand in order to block the freezing wind. I was at the front of the huddle, since I had missed the previous bus by a split second.  The wind was so crazy that my long hair actually stood up straight, as if I was being electrocuted. When it wasn’t standing up straight, it was flying into the faces and/or mouths of the people huddled around me. Lovely.

One dude beside me was a regular, as I’ve seen him many times on the way home. He had on a big, puffy warm coat.  I tried to use my super-strength mind power to get him to come and give me a big hug to keep me warm, but to no avail. I counted about 20 buses that entered the station that weren’t mine. Each time a bus would enter the station, the crowd would gasp with anticipation, and then let out a loud fuck/shit/crap/jesus/dammit sigh and hope that the next one would be ours.  Finally, the 32 entered the station and pulled up to the massive crowd.  

It’s interesting that every time I gain some faith in my fellow commuters, they always manage to let me down, big time.  The bus pulled up to us and suddenly everyone from behind started pushing. The bus driver caught on and refused to open the door.  

So picture this…  

I’m at the front of the crowd.  Therefore, I’m being pushed into a door that the driver won’t open. Finally, he gives in, and the herd pushes on. I practically flew onto the bus, and since the bastards kept on pushing, my purse got lodged in between a few of them.  It stopped me in my tracks, so I turned around and started yanking.  I snarled, but it wasn’t effective.  Then I resorted to,

‘Gimme my purse!’

The pack of dogs eventually let up. At the same time I yanked with all of my mighty muscle power, and I fell backwards onto the bus driver.  

‘Fucking savages,’ was the only thing I managed to blurt out.

I mean, what on earth do they think will be accomplished by acting like a bunch of wild animals?  Ya, it’s cold.  We’re all cold.  If these people would have acted in an orderly fashion, we would have piled onto the bus faster.  But, you know, this is too much to expect from big city slickers.   




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I didn’t get a chance to post this before I left work, and good thing, since I had such a lovely experience on the way home… in that case, I’ll write about that first, and make this an ass-backwards post.

I’m having a bad day today, in general, hence the title.  So, if you don’t feel like hearing me complain, well, this is not the post for you. This is more about me venting, so as I don’t become institutionalized and whatnot.

Ugh.  I am so not made for this city.  I’m not rough or tough enough to take it. Many people love it here, and more power to them, but me, not so much anymore. Remember that song (from Sesame Street or the Muppets… something with puppets anyways),

‘One of these things just doesn’t belong?’

That one thing is me.

Some days I can deal, others, ugh. Today is that kind of day. I am happily awaiting my departure (and counting down the days with a vengeance), but it always seems that when you know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, time moves in slow ass motion.

Why can’t people just be nice and normal? Why? 

If I am walking through a doorway, I hold it for the next person, because, hey, I’m decent that way. If someone drops something, I stop and pick it up.  If I bump someone, I apologize.  If I see someone in dying need of a seat, I give mine up.  You know, normal, human nature type things. I’m a big karma believer, so no matter what, I’m still going to be decent, dammit. It’s obviously naive to expect the same treatment in return.  Sometimes though, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, something to the effect of,

‘What is fucking WRONG with you people?!’

On the way home I held the door for the next person, only to get trampled by them. I picked up something an older woman dropped, only to get sworn at by a passerby for stopping in his way.  I waited patiently like everyone else for the bus, only to get elbowed and jabbed by those behind me (and since I believe in a little thing called, a line, I didn’t resort to jabbing and elbowing those ahead of me).  

I didn’t make it on that bus, since by the time those behind me pushed me around, it was packed to the max and I had to wait, defeated, for the next one. Luckily, the next one had more space, which meant a possible seat.  I made my way to a seat, only to be pushed out of the way by some overly stocky little lady with mix matched gloves. I mean, damn, if she needed the seat that badly I would have given it to her.

I don’t have it in me anymore to comment to these people.  There’s no point really. Nothing will change. I’ll stay the same, and so will they. It’s pretty sad that when someone holds the door open for me, or something of the sort, I generally gasp in amazement. It’s a rarity, but it does happen occasionally.  

Why is everyone in a rush to go nowhere fast?  

What is so important that you must trample people to get to your destination?  

What ever happened to enjoying life, or, to be cliche, ‘stop and smell the roses.’  

Don’t get me wrong, I would like to get home pronto, just like the rest of them, and I don’t stroll around with my head in the clouds like some kind of defect.  I just ask for common courtesy is all.  I realize that’s a lot to ask in such a big city. And, I realize not everyone is nasty – but I have no idea where those people are hiding. Come out, come out, where ever you are!  Please? For a day, even. Just one day. 



Two posts in one day seems to be a common thing for me these days.  Mostly, because I am so bored I honestly believe I’m loosing what’s left of my mind.  When there’s no work for me, which is more often than not, I sit here, ‘looking busy.’ Writing posts on this thing contributes to that, so I suppose that explains why there have been so many lately.  If my computer screen didn’t face everyone, I’m sure I could find more entertaining things to do online, but it just so happens that’s the way this circus is set up.

Let’s reflect on what I’ve done today, to keep up my ‘looking busy’ status:

1. I often use my stapler.  Generally, there is nothing to staple, but the sound of it makes it seem like I’m doing something, when mostly, I’m not.  I randomly staple invisible documents.  It’s fun, you should try it.

2. I have a wide arrangement of open documents on my computer so that it looks like I have a lot going on. I occasionally open and close them, and sometimes, move them from one folder to another. 

3. Every once and a while it is effective to walk in the back, and give the impression that I’m looking for something.

4. Many washroom breaks.

5. E-books.

6. Staring at the clock and trying to will time to go by faster, with my super-strength mind power.  Lately, this power has been letting me down, big-time.

7. You’d be amazed at the wide variety of icons available for macs.

8. Sometimes I literally just stare at my screen, for minutes on end.  It’s too bad there is no window for me to glare out of, but alas, I am in a dungeon basement. How cool is that I upgraded from a storage closet at my last job, to a dark, chilly basement? Score.

Okay, I’m too annoyed to come up with more tricks.  I really do wonder when they might realize this situation.  I mean, it’s not rocket science, people.  Do the math. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  What’s up with this girl? I mean, she just sits around and does nothing.  She should be happy.  She should be grateful she has a job.  She should blah blah blah.  

Ya, well.  Blah, blah, blah back at you.  It just so happens that I actually want to work (wow, what a concept, I know), and due to contrary belief, I do have a lot to offer.  More, in fact, than this circus even knows about – but I have generally kept to myself about these things, because, well, I am leaving and I don’t see the point, really.  And even if they did know, I have little faith that it would benefit me in any way, shape or form.

Also, there are so many things about this place that scream dysfunctional (as with every job I’m sure – but right now, it’s my turn. Again, the title).  Anyhoo, I won’t actually state these things, as I still actually work here, and feel it’s inappropriate to completely bash the place (like I haven’t already) with gory details.  Although, this may change once I’m out of here.  Oh, and what a glorious day that will be.  It’s so soon I can taste it, and it tastes so sweet.  

*Note* As I wrote this, my coworker held her make-shift finger gun to her head and pulled the trigger. Thank god for allies with similar dispositions… what would we do without them?  This also confirms that it’s not just me that feels this way, and that makes me feel a little more sane, sort of.

And in my defense – I am happy to have a job and I actually don’t mind what I do (when I actually have something to do).  Just not at this particular place, and since it’s Monday, I am reminded that I have 4 more days of trying to look busy, before I can enjoy the weekend.  

I mean, if I got paid well to do nothing, then okay.  If I got paid shit but had a chance to advance or pursue opportunities, then okay.  If it was any of these things or not, but not a million hour commute, okay. There are so many more ‘ifs’ but again, I feel as though karma will bite my ass if I give too many details.

And yes, there are many worse things in life, in general, in the world etc etc.  But, you know, right now, at this very moment in time, this is what annoys me.  And this blog, this is my outlet, and thank god for that, because if I couldn’t write this stuff down, I would literally explode, and some poor sucker would have to clean it up.   

Alrighty, and this closes my bitch session for the day.  I promise to be in a better mood tomorrow, and think many happy thoughts.  In the meantime, I will sit for another 10 minutes and look busy until it’s time for me to jet. 

Bah. Hum. Bug.

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As I’ve mentioned many times, I am not the kind of person you want to deal with in the morning.  No way, no how. Especially pre-coffee.  Even more especially on Monday’s. And most especially in -10C temperatures. Bad combo.

Today’s commute was rather uneventful for the most part… other than a larger lady who mistook my leg for an open seat.  Joy.  I hopped off my last bus and shuffled along to continue my usual routine at Starbucks.  I passed a bus stop where a rather disheveled, creepy, older man was waiting.  He watched me cross the street and as I passed him, he felt the need to say,

‘Well, good morning, sweet cheeks.’


Sweet cheeks?

His voice was just as creepy as he looked. Gross.

I responded with a facial expression that resembled someone who had just been extremely violated.  Why can’t this sort of thing happen in the p.m. so I can at least respond like a normal human being?  I’m not quick with the sarcastic remarks in the morning – actually, I’m not quick in any way, shape or form before noonish.

As I made my way to get java I prayed that the extremely annoying, happy, Chatty Cathy was not working.  Wrong again.  This girl’s voice makes my skin crawl.  I’m convinced that she either has nine shots of espresso before she starts work, or she’s on some kind of drugs.  For serious.  It can’t be natural, can it?

Speaking of those who are not morning people, last night I caught a pretty cool documentary of this filmmaker who suffers from insomnia (ironically, I was hungover exhausted and fell asleep).  But the part that I caught was super interesting, as I have had issues falling asleep as long as I can remember.  It was comforting to know that I’m not the only one that lies there for hours on end, mind racing.  Like me, he had tried everything under the sun, and nothing has worked so far.  I wish I caught the end so that I could see if he found a solution.  That will teach me to fall asleep during ‘Wide Awake.’  


It’s just one of those days…. but I’m okay with it, as I’m counting down to my island time (28 days!) whooooo!

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Originally I had planned to post something completely different… but too much happened on my way to work this morning to just not write about it.  

Ready, set…

So this morning as I stood on my first bus, I noticed a massive SUV pull up beside us.  This is a usual occurrence in my hood, as practically everyone and their damn dog has one (except for us poor and/or environmentally saavy folk – however you want to slice it is fine by me).

Anyhoo, so the tinted window on the passenger side slid down and I saw a professional looking middle aged woman in a suit.  I figured, maybe she needs fresh air, or maybe she’s going to have a smoke.  


None of the above.  

Instead, I saw her make that unmistakable face (I swear I felt like I could hear the sound) and then, a massive glob of spit flew out of her mouth.  


Very classy.  

It blows my mind that people are actually that disgusting.  I mean, have some self respect already.  Jesus. 

On my last bus, as I happily glared at Cash Money’s ass (another random transit crush), a regular came on and blocked my view.  

I was okay with it, eventually.  

Mainly because this dude was doing something hilarious that he obviously didn’t realize he was doing.  As he was talking with one of his buds, he was holding the pole.  He had gloves on so his hand kept slipping.  As it continued to slip, he moved it up and down, up, down, up, down… faster and faster.  

It honestly looked like he was beating off the pole.  

Yes, I have a dirty mind, okay.  And that might also be because I caught the South Park episode last night about how the kids learn sex-ed, and a similar action was a big part of it.  It took every single bit of morning pre-coffee strength for me not to burst out laughing.

Then, while ordering my coffee, a new Starbuck’s kid asked me a question.  He obviously isn’t aware of my horrid morning mood like the rest of them.  It went a little something like this:

Me: Hi.  Can I please have a Grande Americano with the extra shot.

Dude: Sure.  Nice ring.

M: *grunt* Thanks.

D: Where did you get it?

M: Which one?

D: The one on your thumb.

**This ring is super cool.  It’s black with silver designs on it.  It’s almost like 2 rings together, and you can twist the designs to make different ones.**

M:  Oh, I acquired it, sort of… ya.

D:  Really? How?

M:  It’s a long story.

D:  So… what’s the story?

M:  Okay, well, some random dude gave it to me.

D:  Random dude?

M:  Yep.

D:  What do you mean?

I’m totally annoyed at this point.  Seriously.  Gimme my coffee and shut the F up. Like I said, not a morning person, not at all.

M:  Well, I met some dude who worked at a bar, who turned out to know my friend through family.  I told him I liked his ring.  He gave it to me. 

D: WOW. That’s amazing!!

M: Uh… okay.  Sure. 

D:  Ya, I mean, like, who does that?

M:  Apparently that dude.

D: Wow! That’s soooo cool. You must be really, like, special and stuff.

M: *Grunt/laugh*  Ya, I guess.  

D:  Awesome!

M: Alrighty. Coffee. Need. Now.

I really can’t handle overly excited and happy people in the morning… I really can’t.  

That little conversation reminded me that not only have I acquired the majority of junk in my apartment, but also, my accessories. Rock on… er, or shall I say, acquire on.  


And that’s the kind of day it’s been, this Wednesday, December 3, 2008.

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I’m quite irritable today.  What else is new, right?  

Today there is a better reason that just my general predisposition.  

I was out late at a fundraising event and am fully feeling the effects today. Full blown, all the way.  I’m so out of it (code for: hung the f over) that as I sat on the bus on the way to work I wondered whether or not I put socks on, and also, I wondered what exactly I was wearing.  I’m not one to go anywhere after work on a weekday, because, well, because of exactly this.  

Work is pretty much unbearable.  The only thing that is getting me through these last couple of hours is my rendition of T.G.I.F, which is I.F.F.F. (It’s finally fucking friday).  


It’s interesting when I’m in this kind of mood.  Either I’m more relaxed than usual and nothing can phase me or I’m super irritable and every tiny thing drives me completely insane. I’m half and half today.  

On transit, nothing phased me.  I got shoulder checked, and had my foot stomped on, and I was pretty much okay with it.  

At work, it’s a different story.  It’s entirely more painful than usual. I literally want to lob my stapler at choice people (when I’m not randomly stapling invisible documents to sound busy).  The volume decibel of everything is intolerable.  It’s next to impossible to keep my eyes open.  It’s even more impossible to not prematurely announce my secret plans* in my loudest outside voice.  

*Secret plan to be announced on here soon… very exciting, I promise.  

I fear the commute home.  

With a passion.  

I pray that I don’t clock a fellow commuter in the head if they look at me the wrong way.  Maybe it’s best if I pretend to read, sleep, or do a crossword so that I don’t become the latest story in the free transit paper. 

We’ll see how that goes.

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I have issues with personal space.  Some days I can handle it, some days, not so much. Today is one of those days.  

While I was waiting for my last bus today, in the army style line up, I noticed the woman behind me sneaking closer, baby step by baby step.  I could tell because I could see her shadow.  She was reading the paper, and at one point it grazed my hair.  There’s tons of space.


I thought, ‘What’s up with this chick standing right on my ass?! Goddamn, I’m really not in the mood.  I can smell her coffee breath. Gross. Did her paper just touch my hair? What the f. MOVE.’

So, I played a little game.  

I moved up.  

She moved up.  

I moved up.  

She moved up.  

I moved sideways.

She moved sort of beside me.  

I moved up.  

She sneezed in my hair.  




She didn’t even cover her mouth.

Gross. What on earth is wrong with people?  

As far as I’m aware, my hair does not resemble a box of Kleenex.  I mean, even if she didn’t have time to cover her mouth, she could have at least turned her head slightly so her bodily fluids landed on the pavement rather than in my hair.  

Imagine the consideration.  I made sure to shoot her dirty looks and sat far from her.  I didn’t have the caffeine intake or patience to say anything, and even if I did, it wouldn’t have done any good really.

So, I scored a sweet bus seat, and an older woman plopped down beside me.  I say, ‘plopped’ because she entered the seat blindly, with the hopes of landing in her spot, but instead her butt landed on part of my leg.  After she shimmied over, she continued to check her watch 7 times.  

I counted.  

The reason I noticed was because every time she checked, she took off her glove and elbowed me in the side.  

Every time.  

Glove On. Glove Off. Glove On. Glove Off. Glove On. Glove Off.  

I was sitting beside the wall, so there was no where for me to move.  I was literally sitting sort of sideways and pressed up against the window, with the hopes her poking would stop.  Nah.

Whenever I have days like this, I think of that Seinfeld episode when Elaine gets stuck on the subway as she is on her way to a wedding.  She totally freaks out – whether it’s a good thing or not, I’m exactly the same. Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and literally knock some sense into my fellow transit commuters.  

Instead, for now, I suppose I will settle for overly obvious eye rolls, shoulder checks, and the occasional swift tackle.  

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