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Posts Tagged ‘work’

Seeing as it’s my last day in the circus, these are just some of the sound bites I’ve overheard today.  For serious.  Real quotes:

 

“Turn around, spread wide.  Here’s your Christmas present.”

 

“Ahh, shit I’m bored.  I really bored if I’m talking about going home on a dogsled with huskies.”

 

“Whoo hoo.  My criminal background check actually came back positive!”

 

“Anybody got a bottle of wine we can crack open?”

 

A: “You guys want to see something warm and fuzzy?”

B:  “Put your pickle away.” 

 

“I just turned up the heat on that chicken.  You’re in there now.”

 

“It’s smooth and silky and wrinkly.  It’s a very heavy kind of underwear.”

 

“Fuuuuuck!”  Numerous times, followed by much banging of random things on desks.

 

“Shiiiiiit!”  Same as above.

 

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

 

“Incompetent boobs.”

 

A:Do not be on the internet if he’s around.”

B: “What are they going to do, fire her?”

 

“I think the grinch really did steal Christmas.  We’re the only one’s left in this morgue.”

 

“Kiss my grits.”

 

“Can I come with you to Barbados?  I’ll wash the floors with my tongue.  Anything is  better than this.”

 

“I need to wet my whistle. It’s not working properly.”

 

A: “Isn’t that a fire harzard?” Referring to the massive stacks of desks and chairs that line the halls in the dungeon.

B: “It doesn’t matter.  We’re on a gas line and will blow up anyways.”

 

“I’m supposed to have numbnuts in that day.”

 

“Suck my manachos!”

 

“No offense dude, but you’re just fucking lazy.”

 

“Did you know that cows can walk up stairs but not down them?  Can you imagine the farmer that figured that one out?  ‘Oh, shit, my wife is home! Go, go, go!’ Mooo. Ha. Ha. Ha.” 

 

“The men in this place are sooooo stupid.”

 

“Your pickle’s looking a little dusty.  You should take it home and polish it.”  Okay, I lied.  That’s from last week, but it’s so good I had to include it.

 

Today there is a massive snow storm outside.  It’s snowing so much you can barely see your hand in front of  your face. Most of the city has been sent home early, but not us, of course. I’ve just heard that they have literally closed the entire building that I’m in, and sent the employees home.  But… here we are, surfing the net amongst occasional yelling and screaming.    

Whooo!

At least it will be my last trek home from this place.  

Ironically, this morning my alarm didn’t go off and it was the first time I was ever late for this job – on my last day. The subway was delayed due to fires and transit signals that were not working with the weather conditions.  Go figure. I’m going to take a wild guestimate and assume it will take me in the area of 3 hours to get home.

On another positive note, apparently I’m not as invisible as I thought.  Today I received a goodbye lunch and gift, complete with cake and all.  Surprisingly, I have no negative comments about it.  It was actually quite nice and tasty. I also scored a bottle of booze yesterday.  Who knew? I’m pretty sure it was re-gifted, but no complaints here.  I’ll take a free bottle no matter how it comes.

And that concludes my work in the circus!!  It hasn’t hit me yet, and most likely won’t until Monday.  

Seventeen days until eternal sunshine.  Yessssss.

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Wow.  You can cut the tension with a knife in this drama dungeon.  I’m okay with it though, since it has nothing to do me, and the events that led to it were somewhat entertaining, on an otherwise boring ass hell of a day.  I was really hoping for some UFC action, but instead I suppose I’ll settle for moody, confrontational bitching. 

As per one of my coworkers, ‘Holy foul moods, Batman!’

For serious. A few of us have been emailing each other back and forth re: current drama (in between some thumb twiddling and ‘looking busy’ of course).  I mean, god forbid you experience occasional technological issues in job that deals solely with technology.  Oh, the horror.    

I’m patiently waiting for the drama to resurface, so a) I have some more to write about, and b) I don’t fall asleep at my desk and drool all over my laptop.  Come on. Give errrrrr.  

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really one for violence, but I’ve been anticipating this clash for some time now, and I would like to see it play out before I bust free of this circus.  I won’t go into great detail about the culprit, but let me just say, if I was that person’s superior, I wouldn’t let that kind of whiney selfish disrespect just slide. But hey, who am I to judge? This person doesn’t just cross the line, but instead, flies past it like a torpedo.  News flash! That will get you nowhere fast.  I don’t know, I mean, I have tons of issues with tons of things, but I always feel it’s best to deal with things professionally, especially in work circumstances.  But hey, that’s just me, right?

Anyhoo. I’m sure you’re all just as bored as me after reading something that really has no relevance to  you.  But I really can’t figure what else to do with myself at the moment.  So, therefore, you suffer…  and/or you have already stopped skimming over this. 

In the meantime an interesting random tidbit:

Last night a few of us took up the offer of free holiday drinks and appetizers.  One dude, who has barely muttered two words in the past three months blurted out how he once, back in the day, stole a taxi after a night of partying.  Not only did he take the taxi, but he picked up a passenger and collected the fare. Haha.  Jesus.  

To be continued… I hope.

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I didn’t get a chance to post this before I left work, and good thing, since I had such a lovely experience on the way home… in that case, I’ll write about that first, and make this an ass-backwards post.

I’m having a bad day today, in general, hence the title.  So, if you don’t feel like hearing me complain, well, this is not the post for you. This is more about me venting, so as I don’t become institutionalized and whatnot.

Ugh.  I am so not made for this city.  I’m not rough or tough enough to take it. Many people love it here, and more power to them, but me, not so much anymore. Remember that song (from Sesame Street or the Muppets… something with puppets anyways),

‘One of these things just doesn’t belong?’

That one thing is me.

Some days I can deal, others, ugh. Today is that kind of day. I am happily awaiting my departure (and counting down the days with a vengeance), but it always seems that when you know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, time moves in slow ass motion.

Why can’t people just be nice and normal? Why? 

If I am walking through a doorway, I hold it for the next person, because, hey, I’m decent that way. If someone drops something, I stop and pick it up.  If I bump someone, I apologize.  If I see someone in dying need of a seat, I give mine up.  You know, normal, human nature type things. I’m a big karma believer, so no matter what, I’m still going to be decent, dammit. It’s obviously naive to expect the same treatment in return.  Sometimes though, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, something to the effect of,

‘What is fucking WRONG with you people?!’

On the way home I held the door for the next person, only to get trampled by them. I picked up something an older woman dropped, only to get sworn at by a passerby for stopping in his way.  I waited patiently like everyone else for the bus, only to get elbowed and jabbed by those behind me (and since I believe in a little thing called, a line, I didn’t resort to jabbing and elbowing those ahead of me).  

I didn’t make it on that bus, since by the time those behind me pushed me around, it was packed to the max and I had to wait, defeated, for the next one. Luckily, the next one had more space, which meant a possible seat.  I made my way to a seat, only to be pushed out of the way by some overly stocky little lady with mix matched gloves. I mean, damn, if she needed the seat that badly I would have given it to her.

I don’t have it in me anymore to comment to these people.  There’s no point really. Nothing will change. I’ll stay the same, and so will they. It’s pretty sad that when someone holds the door open for me, or something of the sort, I generally gasp in amazement. It’s a rarity, but it does happen occasionally.  

Why is everyone in a rush to go nowhere fast?  

What is so important that you must trample people to get to your destination?  

What ever happened to enjoying life, or, to be cliche, ‘stop and smell the roses.’  

Don’t get me wrong, I would like to get home pronto, just like the rest of them, and I don’t stroll around with my head in the clouds like some kind of defect.  I just ask for common courtesy is all.  I realize that’s a lot to ask in such a big city. And, I realize not everyone is nasty – but I have no idea where those people are hiding. Come out, come out, where ever you are!  Please? For a day, even. Just one day. 

***********************

Earlier…  

Two posts in one day seems to be a common thing for me these days.  Mostly, because I am so bored I honestly believe I’m loosing what’s left of my mind.  When there’s no work for me, which is more often than not, I sit here, ‘looking busy.’ Writing posts on this thing contributes to that, so I suppose that explains why there have been so many lately.  If my computer screen didn’t face everyone, I’m sure I could find more entertaining things to do online, but it just so happens that’s the way this circus is set up.

Let’s reflect on what I’ve done today, to keep up my ‘looking busy’ status:

1. I often use my stapler.  Generally, there is nothing to staple, but the sound of it makes it seem like I’m doing something, when mostly, I’m not.  I randomly staple invisible documents.  It’s fun, you should try it.

2. I have a wide arrangement of open documents on my computer so that it looks like I have a lot going on. I occasionally open and close them, and sometimes, move them from one folder to another. 

3. Every once and a while it is effective to walk in the back, and give the impression that I’m looking for something.

4. Many washroom breaks.

5. E-books.

6. Staring at the clock and trying to will time to go by faster, with my super-strength mind power.  Lately, this power has been letting me down, big-time.

7. You’d be amazed at the wide variety of icons available for macs.

8. Sometimes I literally just stare at my screen, for minutes on end.  It’s too bad there is no window for me to glare out of, but alas, I am in a dungeon basement. How cool is that I upgraded from a storage closet at my last job, to a dark, chilly basement? Score.

Okay, I’m too annoyed to come up with more tricks.  I really do wonder when they might realize this situation.  I mean, it’s not rocket science, people.  Do the math. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  What’s up with this girl? I mean, she just sits around and does nothing.  She should be happy.  She should be grateful she has a job.  She should blah blah blah.  

Ya, well.  Blah, blah, blah back at you.  It just so happens that I actually want to work (wow, what a concept, I know), and due to contrary belief, I do have a lot to offer.  More, in fact, than this circus even knows about – but I have generally kept to myself about these things, because, well, I am leaving and I don’t see the point, really.  And even if they did know, I have little faith that it would benefit me in any way, shape or form.

Also, there are so many things about this place that scream dysfunctional (as with every job I’m sure – but right now, it’s my turn. Again, the title).  Anyhoo, I won’t actually state these things, as I still actually work here, and feel it’s inappropriate to completely bash the place (like I haven’t already) with gory details.  Although, this may change once I’m out of here.  Oh, and what a glorious day that will be.  It’s so soon I can taste it, and it tastes so sweet.  

*Note* As I wrote this, my coworker held her make-shift finger gun to her head and pulled the trigger. Thank god for allies with similar dispositions… what would we do without them?  This also confirms that it’s not just me that feels this way, and that makes me feel a little more sane, sort of.

And in my defense – I am happy to have a job and I actually don’t mind what I do (when I actually have something to do).  Just not at this particular place, and since it’s Monday, I am reminded that I have 4 more days of trying to look busy, before I can enjoy the weekend.  

I mean, if I got paid well to do nothing, then okay.  If I got paid shit but had a chance to advance or pursue opportunities, then okay.  If it was any of these things or not, but not a million hour commute, okay. There are so many more ‘ifs’ but again, I feel as though karma will bite my ass if I give too many details.

And yes, there are many worse things in life, in general, in the world etc etc.  But, you know, right now, at this very moment in time, this is what annoys me.  And this blog, this is my outlet, and thank god for that, because if I couldn’t write this stuff down, I would literally explode, and some poor sucker would have to clean it up.   

Alrighty, and this closes my bitch session for the day.  I promise to be in a better mood tomorrow, and think many happy thoughts.  In the meantime, I will sit for another 10 minutes and look busy until it’s time for me to jet. 

Bah. Hum. Bug.

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I don’t know what happened to this post – It went up the other day and then disappeared into cyberspace and TA-Dah! it’s back. My mood hasn’t changed much, so therefore, it goes back up again:

Ah, patience… where art thou? I seem to be lacking in that department lately. Ironically, I have an abundance of gold medals in procrastination. I am the champion though, so I suppose it’s expected. Gotta keep up the profile and whatnot.

Right.

One thing I definitely can not wait for is to get out of this office building. No matter how good of a mood I’m in on the way to work, as soon as I enter the front lobby doors, I feel the happiness and life being sucked out of me. By the time I reach my floor (this is quite a wait, considering the elevators have a mind of their own), I am exhausted and ready to go home. I could drink 17 cups of coffee and still feel tired. My drab storage closet and its flickering fluorescent light just ooze with motivation (I’m not exaggerating here….one of the many joys of the non-profit sector). Don’t get me wrong, I actually love my job…. just not the building. The reason I know my office environment may lead to my early institutionalization, is that I worked from home twice last week and actually accomplished more in those 2 days than I have in the past 2 weeks. For serious. Am I giving you the impression that I’m a huge slacker? This is true, sometimes, but in this case, my job is ending so I really don’t have much to do….other than…find another one…and it’s stressing me out big-time.

So here I sit, listening to Larger than Life (the man across the hall) switch back and forth from English to French (badly, I might add). Sometimes he forgets to switch the accent part, which is mildly entertaining. En Francais sounds fine, but his fake French accent while he speaks English makes him sound like a drunk Quebecer. I’m also pretty sure he has no clue what he’s saying. It’s not everyday you hear words like window, toilet, dog and que pasa in the same sentence. Okay, so maybe you do, and yes, I am aware that que pasa is Spanish..but apparently Larger than Life isn’t. Generally, after my morning coffee(s) or sometimes, if I’m really tolerant, I make it until after lunch before I have to slam the door to my storage closet thanks to the wannabe bilingual, must have every phone conversation on speaker because that’s how important I am, if you can’t hear me talking than you will sure as hell hear me gallop down the hall like a racehorse, my jokes aren’t funny but it’s satisfying to hear my assistants fake laugh at them wonderful man across the hall. Seriously. I’m not quite sure how much longer I can hold out. I don’t have time to list all of my issues with Larger than Life (actually, that’s a lie, but you know…I could go on for eons). When I leave my closet I have to bite the insides of my cheeks so I don’t let something inappropriate slip. I’m pretty sure my eyeballs bulge out as I’m doing that. It must be quite the attractive look for me.

So, if any of ya’ll have some extra patience, can I have some? New, used or borrowed…I’ll take it.

Just a little patience.

If you haven’t started humming ‘Patience’ by G&R yet… what the hell is wrong with you?! Get on that.

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Rockin’ the karma

Yep. I’m rockin’ the karma this week for sure. First an unexpected tax refund, and now an unexpected work from home day (when I really, really, need it).

I ended up on a patio after work yesterday, which is something I generally never ever do when I have to work in the morning. Mainly because I can’t function like a normal human being the next day, and that sucks for obvious reasons. But it just so happened that a friend was in the area when I was finishing up, the sun was shining, and the patio was calling us. So off we went. Some sunshine, some beer, and a sunset later, it was time to get my butt home, pronto. That little voice in my head kept saying, ‘Uhm, hello? Work. Tomorrow. Remember? ‘

I had an incredibly hard time falling asleep when I got home. Could have been the beer, or maybe it was the excessive amount of coffee I funneled during the day. My sleep was no where close to satisfying since it consisted of me waking up every hour, on the hour, nervous that I would sleep in or miss my alarm.

When I woke up I played the whole, ‘Whatever, I’m fine. I’m not even tired. Really. Not at all. Nope. Invincible, that’s what I am. Sure. Yep. I can do this. I feel great. This is nothing. Right.’

I kept lying to myself as I got ready for work, and then got a call from The Best Boss Ever. She wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t drive me in. I told her to feel better, and that I would hop on transit. She told me to work from home today.

Yessssss.

As soon as I heard those words my extreme tiredness kicked in, followed by a lingering head ache and some funky stomach rumbles.

Thank you karma!!

Yep, still have to work, but at least I get to do it in my pj’s.

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