Dear Food, Please learn how to make yourself…

Hooray, I’m in a better mood than yesterday.  Time for yet another random, ‘Dear… ‘ post:

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Dear People Who Drive in Winter Climates,

Please put an end to honking and/or inching up on me as I’m trying to cross the intersection. You are in a car, warm and toasty.  I am only trying to cross the icy, slushy street without falling on my ass.

Love,

The Girl Who Will Only Move Slower if You Keep it Up.

***

Dear Rick Mercer,

Awesomeness.

Love,

Silentorchestra.

***

Dear Feet,

Why must you be magnets for other people’s feet?  

Love,

The Girl Who Constantly Gets Stomped On.

***

Dear Guy Who Stomped On My Foot,

That hurt like a son of a bitch, but thank you for apologizing.

Love,

The Girl With a Possible Broken Toe.

***

Dear Christmas,

Bah Hum Bug.

Love,

Miss Grinch.

***

Dear Little Kid Who Wiped His Wet Boot on My Coat,

You are lucky I was wearing the black one rather than the white one today.

Love,

The Girl Who Was Okay With it Because You Were So Damn Cute.

***

Dear Jagermeister,

Never again.  Do you hear me?  Never, ever.  It’s over.

Love,

Drunk Dialer.

***

Dear Allies at Work,

You are too funny – I will miss that.

Love,

Barbados Bound.

***

Dear Food,

Please learn how to make yourself.

Love,

The Girl Who’s Stomach is Rumbling.

***

Dear Creep,

Stop calling.  Especially at 5am.  Seriously.

Love,

The Girl Who Will Never Answer.

***

Dear Mr. Bus Driver,

Thank you so very much not picking me up as I waited for the bus in the rain. Thank you even more for speeding past and splashing me.  Much appreciated. 

Love,

The Girl Who Flipped You the Bird.

***

Dear Mama,

Thank you SO much for allowing me the opportunity to gloat about my upcoming plans.  Yay.

Love, 

Your Daughter, Who Will Be There in 27 Days.  Weeeeeeeee!

***

Dear Silentorchestra,

That’s enough.  Stop while you’re ahead.

Love,

This Post.

***

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Yes, indeed, I am THAT bored.

Okay.  So as the title states, I am that bored. In the name of “looking busy,” here’s a bunch of random facts in multiples of three. 

Three pet peeves:

a) Public nose pickers

b) Public transit everything

c) When I hear ‘irregardless.’  It’s not a word people.  Not even close.

 

Three shows I watched as a kid
:

a) Today’s Special

b) Dr. Who

c) Night Rider 

 

Three things I was into as a kid:

a)   Sports

b)   Candy

c)   Cartoons

 

Three things I was into as a teenager:

a)   Vintage everything

b)   Sports

c)    Partying

 

Three things I’m doing right now:

a) Doing as I’m told – ‘look busy’

b) Chewing gum

c) Listening to my iPod

 

Three ways to describe my personality:

a) Laid back

b) Patient

c) Compassionate

 

Three absolute favorite foods:

a)    Bacon

b)   Popsicles

c)    Cheese

 

Three shows I watch:

a)    Curb Your Enthusiasm

b)   South Park

c)    News

 

Three things I say most often:

a)    Shit (Yes, I tend to have a potty mouth)

b)   Seriously

c)    What a concept and rocket science are tied here

 

Three books that I love:

a)    God of Small Things

b)   The Time Traveler’s Wife

c)    Anything by Paulo Coelho

 

Three stupid things I’ve done:

a)  Ate funky smelling food

b)  Dropped my laptop

c)  Hit a parked car

 

Three stupid things that other people have done (or do) that directly affect me:

a)    People that eat on transit. How does directly it affect me?  It takes every bit of my strength not to projectile vomit.

b)   People that make every single god damn call on speaker phone because they are that important.  It takes every bit of my strength not to rip the phone out of the wall.

c)  People that drive like morons

 

Three things that I wish for:

a)    A decent job

b)   A sugar daddy

c)    Happiness

 

Three things that I miss:

a)    My mom

b)   Barbados

c)    My friends & family that have passed

Three things that I wonder:

a)    When am I going to get canned?

b)   Why don’t any of my socks match?

c)    Where does the time go?

 

Three things that I am not:

a)    Organized

b)   Hyper

c)    Stupid

 

Three things you were doing three years ago:

a)    Living in Barbados

b)   Sunbathing

c)    Finishing my degree

 

Three songs you know all the lyrics to:

a)   ‘Santeria’ by Sublime

b)   ‘Use Me’ by Bill Withers

c)    ‘Melt My Heart to Stone’ by Adele

 

Three things you would do if you were a millionaire:

a)    Volunteer at as many organizations as I possibly could

b)   Travel like it’s going out of style

c)    Eat properly

 

Three things you would never wear, get new or buy new again:

a)    Skinny jeans

b)   Bodysuit

c)    Spandex tights with sweaters.  Please, anytime you want to go out of style now, anytime.

 

Three things that scare me:

a) Spiders

b) My future


c) Public restrooms

 

Three people who make me laugh:


a) Larry David


b) Bill Maher

c) My friends

 

Three things I love
:

a) Barbados


b) My fam

c) My kitties

 

Three things I hate


a) Winter


b) Stupidity


c) My job

 

Three things I don’t understand


a) Math

b) Ignorance


c) The extreme dysfunctional nature of my work environment

 

Three things on my desk at work:

a)   My computer


b)   A phone I’ve never used in the three months that I’ve been there

c)    
My coffee

 

Three things I want to do before I die
:

a)    Write a book

b)   
Travel more

c)    Have a child (corny but true) 

 

Three things I can do
:

a)  Spell


b)  Draw


c)  Tune people out 

 

Three things I can’t do
:

a)  Plan 


b)  Settle


c)  Tolerate arrogance

 

Three things I think you should listen to
:

a) The ocean

b) Your intuition


c) Good music

 

Three things you should never listen to:


a) Assholes


b) 
Jerks

c) People who doubt you

 

Three things I’d like to learn (but won’t)
:

a)   Math

b)   
A foreign language

c)    
Meditation

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